Journey of Friendship
Preschool
When I was in preschool, I didn’t say much. I was a kid, and I wasn’t worried about what other children in my class would think about me or what I did. I did have a handful of friends who I was happy to play with, but I didn’t realize the value friendships had.
Homeschooling
After preschool I was homeschooled for a year. There was a homeschooling group but my family didn’t do too much with that. I wasn’t able to make friends but since I was still so young, I didn't think much about it.
Second Grade
Second grade, I started at new school that was down the road from the house I grew up in. I started to feel isolated, as I was joining the class late and most of the students had already found their friend groups. People still talked to me, and I always responded. My mom explains this best: “It was hard for me to make friends. I never ‘made the first move’ and because of that I didn’t have many friends.”
I found a few good friends in this grade, but it still didn’t understand friendship at this point.
Third Grade To Sixth
In third grade I went to a different school where I stayed until sixth grade. This school was much better than the last, but the admission was by a lottery, and once selected I had to abruptly switch. I was extremely shy in this class. I was even labeled as the quiet one and other students would act shocked when I spoke, saying “I didn’t know you could talk”, or “I thought you were mute!” This made me nervous to talk more because I didn’t want to have this unwanted attention.
In third grade I would just sit on the carpet of our class library and read alone during free time while everyone else was loudly talking with their friends. I overheard people talking about all sorts of things, like what they wanted to be when they grew up or the latest games they played. I always wished that I could be part of those conversations. There was one group that would play with their Pokémon cards every day. It looked so fun and I was jealous that they were able to connect so well. I must have read all the Rainbow Magic fairy books in the library then; they were my favorite. I felt more connected to the fairies in those books than to anyone in my class.
This pattern continued until one day when one of my teachers came up to me while I was reading with a girl in my class. She introduced her to me and sat her down beside me so we could talk. Although it was awkward at first, she quickly became my best friend. She was loud and fun and crazy which was all perfect for my shy third grade self. Sometimes I wondered if that teacher regretted trying to make us friends because after that we were hooked to each other.
We would get in trouble for talking when we weren’t supposed to but that just made us giggle even more. I wasn’t seen as the quiet one anymore, I was seen as her best friend. I didn’t even mind, I was happy.
When I wasn't around her, I was still quiet, but this let me focus on school work. I had learned to become an observer in my years of being quiet so I could learn from my peers. I was hoping that if any of them talked to me I would know exactly how to respond to them so they would like me. While none of my peers reached out to me, the observation skill honed by my shy self did make me a great listener and a fast learner. I was one of the smartest kids in my grade and I was finally receiving positive attention when I helped the other students with their math work. People now asking for help pushed me to want to get better at each subject so I could always be prepared if someone needed me. I wasn't as smart as some of my peers, but I never felt bad about not being the smartest in my class because getting recognized for my help felt better.
This seemed like it was finally my moment to be connected with my peers. I made new friends with the help of my best friend and we had our own group. After this I never had a moment where I was afraid to speak because I was always near someone I trusted. This helped me to branch out and talk to people who I never would have spoken to. One of the people who played in the Pokémon card group even gave me a few cards so I could play with him, and I still have those cards with me to this day. I treasured those cards and was so grateful for my best friend. I felt seen for the first time in a long time. It was amazing.
Seventh Grade
Seventh grade was when things changed. Even though we could still see each other and talk, I had to say goodbye to my friend as she went to a different school than me. All the other students from my elementary school who moved on to the same middle school as me were ones who I rarely ever interacted with. I felt alone again, and scared. Now the only person at this school who I trusted was my sister, but she was in ninth grade at the time and we had no way of seeing each other during the day. Compared to my last school, this one felt huge. I didn’t know who I could talk to or where to go. I had no reason to be worried.
photo from unsplash.com
Seventh grade was a breeze and I made a new good friend again, this time by luck. As seating charts are usually organized by the alphabetical order of last names, I was commonly seated by a boy who had a last name very similar to mine. I can’t recall how we started talking because before I knew it, we were joking around every class. He was louder than my other best friend and got me into more trouble. My English teacher at the time even made a new seating chart to where we were on opposite sides of the room because we would talk so much. I hated getting into trouble but talking to him was fun and such a relief. We had our own inside jokes and he helped me to make a few new friends. I woke up every day being excited to go to school again. At the end of my seventh-grade year, COVID-19 happened and my school experience changed again. I started talking to my friends less and did worse in school. I wasn’t able to listen and observe well through Zoom, and I had no one to work with on my social skills.
Eighth Grade and Ninth
As I moved from eighth grade to ninth grade, I started to prefer being lonely because it was easy. I was so used to not talking to people anymore that I knew that it wouldn’t go well if I tried. I still cherished each moment where I was able to talk to people, but those interactions went nowhere. I was focused on completing all of my school work and improving my grades. I had a great GPA but it didn’t mean anything to me. I knew that I just wanted friends.
Tenth Grade
Tenth grade came and I had classes with only one person I could talk to, who happened to also go to my elementary school but only worsened my ability to keep up with my grades as she was distracting. Throughout the year, it was my goal to get away from her, which took away from me getting my work done. It felt like everything was going downhill for me, but that wasn’t necessarily true. I noticed that my good friend at this school had a class near me during one period, so we walked and talked together most days during that window of passing time. Towards the end of the year, I also made a friend in my algebra class who I was able to talk to quickly and I experienced the same feeling of connection as I felt in elementary when I helped her with our math work. It was a relief to have people to talk to again, and I realized that I didn’t need to have many friends as long as I was comfortable. I was able to balance friendships and school work in the end and I was happy again.
Now
My dad told me while recalling his experience in school, “it’s more rewarding to surround yourself with people who genuinely care for you, because with friendships quality is better than quantity.” I am hopeful for my junior year of high school knowing that I can use what I’ve learned to provide for myself while both maintaining good grades and friendships.
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